sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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