I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
