I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Randomize
