The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
