so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
