im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
