the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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