Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
