you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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