I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Still dying that you shit outside
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
