Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
