Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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