the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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