My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
