whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
