i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
