Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I love you.
Bad choice
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