Do you still have your period?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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