he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
