Need sex. Gaining weight.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
