no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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