i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
