All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He? As in you personified your dick?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize