he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
