you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Panties = found
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