never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
