And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
