I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
