My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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