No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
