I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
