yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
