this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
