Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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