I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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