It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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