I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
