tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
