Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
