Sry I called you an 8
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
