Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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