Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I skipped work to stalk him.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It's shark week go big or go home
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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