ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
