never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
