maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
