Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
