Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
