guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He? As in you personified your dick?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
