Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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