You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
