I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
