I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
