when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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