Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
