you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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