I never want to see another naked old woman again.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
