You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
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