you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
