you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Pants are for mortals
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
