I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
