There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
