6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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