I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
