Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Randomize
