ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
