If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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