I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
