i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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