you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
