I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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