drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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