Your face is a jimmy john
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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