Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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